Have you ever been in a situation where you felt pressured to be with someone that you really weren’t crazy about? I have been there and it is not fun. I was once in a relationship with someone who was a nice person, but there were definitely no fireworks between us. I wasn’t attracted to him, didn’t find myself longing to be in his presence and for the most part, I had to muster up the uumph to even be around him. Despite all of this, he was a good guy, so I felt compelled to stay. And let my mother tell it with a few “a good man is hard to find” speeches and I found myself trapped in a place where I didn’t even want to be.
I have a fabulous single friend who is quick to dismiss a prospective mate if she isn’t attracted to him or there are no sparks. And I used to say “Don’t be shallow, look at his heart”, but now I am convinced – chemistry has to be present on some level for the relationship to grow and foster.
I recently caught an episode of Bridezilla, the reality tv show that chronicles over-the-top brides. In one episode, Tasha was marrying Jeffrey….well sort of. She was contemplating whether or not she should get married. Apparently, the day before her wedding, she told her fiance, that she might call it off. If you can’t see the video, here is the link.
There were millions of red flags, but the one that stuck out for me was on her actual wedding day, when she was still unsure about whether or not she should marry him. She said, “When it comes to Jeffrey and I….I’m still kind of on the fence.” That should never be your sentiment on your wedding day! Ideally on your wedding day, after much prayer, marriage counseling, soul searching and advice from your parents – you should know that you are making the best decision for you. Yes, there can be a certain amount of nervousness, but uncertainty is a sign that its probably not a good idea to proceed with the marriage. Be sure, there is a difference between cold feet and uncertainty about the marriage.
I wish I could say that it was a happy ending, but the red flags continued to pile up. On their wedding day, when her fiance asked her if they would still get married, she blurted out, “If I show up, then I show up. And if I don’t, don’t be mad.” That shows her indifference about the wedding and I believe that when a man finds his rib or a woman finds the one God designed for her, there will be a certain level of excitement and anticipation. The bride-to-be in this video clearly lacked that. And throughout her wedding day, she seemed flustered and muttered things like, “I can’t marry him, it’s official!” and “I don’t want to, I don’t want to, I don’t want to [marry him].” This should have been a clue to her that she should re-evaluate her feelings and the relationship before proceeding with marriage.
Even though she ended up tying the knot, she wasn’t settled in her choice and this will likely created problems with intimacy, communication and feelings of resentment. So, take a lesson from Bridezilla and rather than settle, make sure you are making a good decision. You can check out my post “10 Questions You Should Ask Before You Say I Do” and here is a gut check:
- If you can’t see yourself old and gray with dentures sitting next to your mate in a rocking chair, they are probably not the one.
- If you can’t even stomach the idea of one day being intimate with them, they are probably not the one.
- If you constantly second-guess yourself when it comes to the relationship, they are probably not the one.
When God brings two people together, it will be full of love, anticipation and romance. When God does it, a couple may not show lots of PDA or immediately be madly in love, but their souls will be knit together. And it will be evident to everyone around them, that there is special connection, a shared love and a mutual attraction. Anything short of that is just selling yourself short.
I’d love to hear from you. Have you ever felt pressured to be in a relationship? Do you think Tasha (in the video) should have married Jeff? Let me know your thoughts below. If you’ve enjoyed this article, please “like” my page on Facebook by clicking here; follow me on Twitter @thelovejourney7 or sign up below to receive email notifications.
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